On Deaf Ears

So some of you may know, I have a Twitter account and a YouTube account under my username here, ‘astrosleuth’.

Basically places for me to express my pain through art and Tweeting about body image, love-shyness, sexuality (or lack thereof) and men’s rights/issues.

So, I’ve been Tweeting more to the point about these issues lately, to people like porn queen turned sexuality guru Nina Hartley and a self-described ‘ethical slut’ from Toronto.  Here are some screenshots that warranted absolutely NO response, these self-described sex-positive ‘enlightened progressive sexual gurus’ won’t even go near this with a ten foot pole:

Now there is a podcast I follow on Twitter called ‘The Dildorks’.  Two best female friends who call themselves ‘sex geeks’ and brag of their conquests of bedding the latest guy and getting the latest blow job.  Constantly.  Recently, they were calling out to their audience for show ideas in the form of questions like …. ‘What would you do if?, ‘If you were stranded on a desert island ….?’, etc.
So, I popped THESE questions.  I even PM’d one chick of the pair and asked something like, ‘What would you do if someone expressed interest in joining your kinky community, but lacked experience?  How would you go about it or which direction would you steer him or her in? I mean expressed genuine interest, read up on it, watch porn, etc. but lacked experience or courage to ‘take it to the next level’, so to speak?’
She just responded: ‘Thanks for this! I’m adding it to our file :)’

OK. Fine.

Then I PM’d her with another question, well two actually (both sides of the same coin) ….

‘Another question What would you do …. if someone was insecure about their own desirability, for instance?  And, further, how would you help …. or would you help? (speaking generally, not necessarily for myself)’

AND

‘Off the record, what’s your take on pity sex?  Bad for both parties or sometimes could it lead to something?  Or, do you believe such a concept exists in the context of the psyche?  I guess attraction and what people look for in a mate’s desirability can be subjective ….’

I sent these last two questions on April 11, NO response yet.  A dead air.

Now, exhibit #2.

I tweeted these three tweets recently, well about a week ago.
No responses.  Even with the popular #hashtags , people don’t want to face this.

Exhibit #3 …. Nina Hartley.  Same thing.
The word ‘incel’ is probably not even in her ‘awareness’.  Or, maybe it is but like the others, she doesn’t give two shits.  Sure, any other sexuality, they jump on it and are all over it.  It’s often deemed ‘progressive’.  But no sexuality at all, or a repressed or even aspiring one but ‘failure to launch’?  Fagettaboutit!

Now 4A and 4B.  Back to the proclaimed ‘sex-positive ethical progressive sex nerd slut’ from Toronto.  Remember her?  She posed a question on Twitter …. ‘Most outlandish flirting experiences’.  So, I thought I’d ruffle the feathers a bit and bite.  I posted those responses to her about a chick from Toronto who tried to sell me expensive hand cream once while I only had $12 in my pocket.  This saleswoman said to me things like, ‘Oh, you are a handsome, interesting man.  Why are you not married?’ and ‘If you purchase, I will give you my PERSONAL email and cell number!’  Now, I KNEW she was just trying to get me to buy her shit.  But I decided to have some fun and play along when she remarked the first example again …. I just said, ‘You’re not so bad yourself!’ and walked away.  I’ve always wanted to use that one and I did.  I told ‘Girly Juice’ this basically in my tweets.  No response.  Perhaps, our experience is just so far off the norm or off right field that many non-cels, even so-called proclaimed ‘sex-positive’ ones just don’t know how to respond, are freaked out by our deep experiences or simply don’t care …. or perhaps possibly all of the above.  An incel’s experience is probably SO far removed from the average non-cels that it’s incomprehensible.

Next:

Just some random Tweets I posted ….

You get my point.

I’ll leave you guys with one last story here for now.  I’m also on Instagram and lots of model type chicks on there too.  I admit, I follow some and a couple like my pics and follow me from time to time.  Some of their pics also make good fapping material.

So, one of these chicks posted the ‘rules’ for etiquette at a swingers club.
One ‘rule’ caught my eye …. ‘Don’t be creepy or behave in a way that would make other members uncomfortable.’  My heart stopped.  I commented on her photo something like, ‘So creepy just means unattractive, right?  Well, some of us have bad posture or are below average in looks so often we are ‘creepy’ by default.  Also, with my AS, I KNOW something in my demeanor puts women off, at least at first glance.’

No one even responded for a few hours.  Then a few hours later, I go to look on her page and her account is fucking private!  What are the odds?!

Most people don’t want to admit or face it.  They don’t want to admit to or face up to the Truth.  Looks and natural swag DO matter!

……

Now as you can see, no one wants to face it or touch this issue with a ten foot pole.

On a personal level, perhaps yes, it IS a ‘validation’ thing with me, one I (maybe wrongly) base my self-worth in.  We ALL yearn at if not a primal level then an instinctual one to pro-create, to be wanted and pursued and to carry on the human race.  To have that special knowledge we are ‘good enough’ to be wanted sexually.  That we are not just a mirage.  That we are indeed worthy of validation as social/sexual beings.  I think perhaps also it is simply a survival thing too ….

Also, fuck it.  Make them feel guilty, yes guilty and even ‘creeped out’ for the consequences of their own transgressions.  At the base level, I think most KNOW the Truth they conceal and know their own hypocrisy in their claims.

Plus, I am a fan of and look up to some porn stars for their sexual prowess.

I want to be apart of something, to feel ‘whole’ and yes, sexy as a man.
I express a lot of my own pent up sexuality through my art and writing.

One member of a forum I frequent perhaps was right when he said he knows I have needs and that I am lonely.  And perhaps he is right too when he said writing erotic poems and creating erotic art is not the healthiest way of dealing with it.  Maybe it isn’t.

But alas, as an incel man, it’s all I got left.

Always Go With Your Gut

So I recently started a new job.

Cleaning a shopping mall where there are a lot of young, Millenial store staff there.
Working there, although I love the job, has been hard in a way that most young social cliques are closed off there and one has a very hard time breaking the ice with these women, even some who are in their 30s.

Anyway, as I stated, I just started there.  Even so, when I started I was getting a bit more hours, more than I am getting now.

I wondered about this and got thinking …. could some of those ‘Millenial staff’ have complained to my boss about me being ‘creepy’?

Now, I want to clear something up.  By ‘creepy’, I mean just my demeanor (being introverted and below average in looks and my posture) NOT intentionally staring or gaping at them (which I DON’T DO I keep my nose to the grindstone there).

So, I phoned my boss and just had about a ten minute conversation with him.  We get along great and are on good speaking and joking terms.

And, lo and behold!

….

We exchange pleasantries like ‘How are you tonight?’, etc.
Then I pop the question …. ‘Are my hours cut because some of the women complained there about my so-called ‘creepiness?’

He says well, he has had one issue there already with one chick at the dollar store.  He said she didn’t approach him herself but he had heard from sources she was concerned about why I was always at her store when she was closing it.  This would be around approximately 8:30 or 9:00 on weeknights.
This also happens when I start to dry mop sweep the whole mall in preparation for the midnight guy, who uses the wash machine on the floors overnight.  Her hallway (where Dollarama is) is the hallway I start my dry sweep with.  Hello?  Why am I always there …. ?  Well, I follow a schedule and I WORK THERE!  

My boss just said ‘oh, she didn’t know you worked in the mall!’

Now my hunch was right and my boss wasn’t directly approached but he had ‘heard this from sources’.
Now I know the translation of that …. ‘Ugly guy shouldn’t be near me when I close my store …. eww! …. he’s creeping me out!  Get him outta here!’

As for her ‘not knowing I worked in the mall’, I do have a uniform on and usually a broom and sometimes a dust pan in my hands.  How could she NOT fucking know?!  Oh, I just bought the broom (and dust pan) at Wal-Mart and happen to be pushing it through the mall to test it. /sarcasm

She hasn’t approached him so far but this is my point.  When it comes to modern unapproachable (and often spoiled and entitled) women, always go with your gut instinct.  I keep my nose to the grindstone there now and just keep my mouth shut and do my work now.  I don’t even approach to make conversation, hell, let them approach me!

Those myths about ‘false rape allegations’ and them calling the white knight authorities are all true, apparently.

My boss said not to worry about it or give it a second thought but I believe my hunch was/is right, even though I don’t try to be ‘creepy’, I’m just pre-selected that way and it’s something natural in my demeanor which I can’t control due to my physical attributes and my AS.

Modern women are unattainable and unapproachable for the most post unless you are a) their age b) pass the looks test c) in their own social clique and d) ALL OF THE ABOVE!

There, I’m on the record for saying it!

You are ‘guilty until proven innocent’.

My boss also said she may be a typical women, a drama queen who likes to say everyone is staring at her but is the first one to call it out when they do.  Keep in mind, she doesn’t know me or even a thing about me except for this possible (and false) assumption.  It can be just like high school there.  The so-called ‘high school’ mentality doesn’t die at 17 or 18 …. it lasts well into adulthood now in a social that secretly (or sometimes more overtly) wants your average incel to just ‘fuck off and die’.  FTR, he even said that some women find him ‘creepy’ there and he is a stand up, great guy …. married with a couple little kids.

My gut was correct.  Always go with yours to avoid further heartache and trouble with modern Western women ….

I can merely tell certain things by going with my gut and watching female behavior and reactions.  Their social patterns and habits.

And then they say YOU are the psycho, the ‘creep’.

I have to laugh at the advice one Feminist once gave me, to ‘step out my front door and start making friends …. especially FEMALE friends.’

They have to give you the time of day first for that to happen, or even possibly happen.
So her advice was moot.

I just shut up and do my work there now.

A little song I wrote a few nights ago, at work of all places.  Before I called my boss up tonight and asked him the question ….

I wrote the lyrics and sing, while the instrumental piece is from an open source site, freesound.org.
(A banjo and acoustic loop piece)
Thank the stars for programs like Audacity and VideoPad too!

Just thought it would be appropriate to share here.  Enjoy, gents!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv95wba1Ckw

 

Trent Malcolm: A Goth’s Story

More satire.  This time dealing with the chronically rejected of our society.  I see myself as one of these people but I also have a sense of humor….

astrosleuth as ‘Trent Malcolm’

IN

Trent Malcolm: A Goth’s Story

Ricardo Goosey Dating Video

I also do Satire (DSR issues included).

Ricardo Goosey Dating Video

Hey ladies, Ricardo Goosey is single and ‘on the market’….

astrosleuth as ‘Ricardo Goosey’!

‘You Have To Start Making Female Friends’

Ever notice this is the advice ‘socially successful’ females, especially feminists dispense if you say or they know you have trouble with women.  This is what one ‘sex-positive’ feminist I met on social media said to me a while back on Facebook.

Um yeah, women have to give you the time of day first….

I know it would be a waste of time….women have to ACCEPT you first.

I got talking to her on Facebook with a fake named FB account on my part.  One of my ‘pen names’ as a writer.  She was a feminist and some of my work offended her.

She said exactly….’You seem like you are very young.  The first step is to step out your front door, and start making some friends.  Especially female friends.’

That’s the whole point of my work….females won’t give me the time of day to begin with.

I express a lot of my pain and suppressed sexual energy through writing.  And the ones I DO happen to talk to, half can’t relate anyway and don’t know how to take me and thus I get labeled a ‘creep’ or a ‘weirdo’ or worse, a stalker.

I’m also under the impression that women in the ‘femisphere’ HATE decent and especially intelligent men.  They see them as a threat.  Could be wrong, though….

It’s pretty much moot when females won’t give you the time of day for the most part.  How exactly do I make these female friends?  It’s hard to go out and ‘do stuff’ though and ‘make friends’….how much could I really do?

1. I don’t drink due to medical reasons and almost all going out at night in my city involves clubs, bars and alcohol.
2. Limited financial resources.
3. No social circle….so hypothetically, I COULD go out, but there is a limitation on how much I could actually DO when I’m low in the social hierarchy and not among at least the middle class to go out and actually enjoy things that cost money.

So, in essence, the computer IS my ‘social life’.  As long as I can pay for an Internet connection, I guess.

Just my rant for the day….please feel free to leave comments.

 

‘Pop My Cherry’ Series (2 paintings)

‘Pop My Cherry’ (first in series, as a sequence of events)

‘The Burden Has Been Lifted’ (second in series, as a sequence of events)

I’m Free! Am I the Lucky One?

Being single at 36, I am now coming to terms with it and even accepting it and embracing it.  I used to be more idealistic in my 20s.  I used to pine for a woman and develop serious crushes.  I used to idealize love.  Why was everyone else having sexual experience and not me?  But that time has long gone.  Now, especially in today’s climate, I embrace my singledom and even consider it a blessing in disguise now.

Consider:

1.  I can eat a box of donuts for dinner if I please.  (OK, maybe not just donuts, but good quality food and perhaps maybe a half a box of donuts for dessert)
2.  I spend money MY way, without having to consult someone.  (Well, groceries, savings and disposable income anyway)
3. I enjoy the quiet and solitude.  I can always have my dose of ‘socializing’ by going out and meeting friends.  But, I love my private, quiet time too.  It always is nice to come home to an empty house and rejuvenate and be ‘king of my own castle’.  I’m a very private person and couldn’t fully be myself if I lived with a significant other.
4. I can do what I want WHEN I want!  I can listen to music and read about deep, esoteric subjects at 3 AM if I want to in my current situation.  No kids sleeping and no wife telling me to ‘Turn that shit down!’
5. I’ve escaped the financial stress of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’, divorce and putting kids through college.  OK, not just financial, but EMOTIONAL too.
6. Bob Dylan once said I believe, ‘I won’t join a group.  When you join a group, if you fail, every else fails.  If you’re alone and you fail, just you yourself fails.’  This means to me that I could take more risks because I’m alone as opposed to if I was raising a family.  I can invest that $500 in a web business that may or may not go, for example and not worry about consulting anyone or dragging anyone down with me.  I alone fail (or succeed) and if I do fail, I only have myself to blame.  As I only answer to myself.  Let’s face it, it’s easier for me to forgive myself than trying to explain to others why you failed and for them to forgive you.  But if it does really well, you can do quite well for yourself; not having to worry about child support or alimony or the like.  Just putting the money away.
7. Just by watching the seemingly 50/50 (or rather maybe 25/75) stay together or divorce ratio respectively, I know the odds are skewed these days, especially for men.  Divorce laws don’t favor men in the West.  I’ve talked extensively with a co-worker at work about this specific issue.  We both agree it’s simply not worth it in the end for the man.  Many are waking up and going MGTOW.  Not worth the financial strain and emotional heartache.

And, lastly….

I’m FREE!

So, even everything being relative, being single may not be such a bad deal for me after all.

I want to stress one point though.  This has been said on one of the forums I frequent too.  YOU CAN BE A MGTOW AND STILL GET THE ODD PIECE OF TAIL.  ‘Pump n’ dump’, as they say.  ‘Six o’clock’, as the old saying goes.  Meaning, she’s out by 6 AM, waiting for a cab, ride or bus.  No ‘movies-inies’.  Or, perhaps an ideal situation for me would be just a hook-up partner or fuck buddy.  And, maybe meet for dinner once in a while but have separate bank accounts and even live separate.  My dad was telling me about this arrangement this guy he knows has with a girl the other night.  Or, one can always just go to strip clubs and/or see escorts to get his sexual release.  Since I’ve been rejected before and am shy around women, I may see an escort in the very near future, in a bigger city a few hours from where I live.  From my experience, ‘in-call’ would be best in a controlled environment.

That’s my rant for now….I may add more in time.

Peace!

 

Does anyone else feel this?

When a full-blown oneitis (or limerence) phase enters your mind. Does your depression, anxiety and extreme self-consciousness magnify in general everyday life?

I ask this because it does in me. I currently have my eyes on a girl who works at my local coffeehouse. Have been for a month or so now. For some reason, I can’t even bring myself to go into the coffeehouse and face her and her co-workers due to self-consciousness. I think direct contact may be all too threatening. I have an image of her saying ‘Hey, how are ya?’ in my mind and I run with that. But, it is twofold. She obviously thinks some positive thoughts of me (or else she feels sorry for me and is patronizing depending on perspective). I’m just afraid I’ll go back in and ‘freeze up’ and leave a bad impression, bad taste in her mouth somehow.

Extreme self-consciousness and brooding kicking in.

I was sort of on a ‘roll’. Doing better at my job. Talking more to people just to get out and for practice (especially girls). Not giving a shit of what society (or the people in it) thought. Then this happens. Now, I’ve fallen in ‘lust’ again and I am paying with losing my self-containment. I sometimes have fantasies of the ‘ideal romantic night’ with her. Cooking a nice, hot, juicy roast beef dinner with mashed potatoes and gravy and Yorkshire. Lights dimmed low, chocolates on the table as an aphrodisiac and prelude to hot love making till dawn then falling asleep in each others arms after we smoke a fattie together. Hot meal for her and a blow job for me, ultimate fantasy. Only fantasy, I know, unlikely to happen in this reality, in this day and age.

I saw her outside of the coffeehouse once.  Another bomb…she was with a guy. At the Sushi place where I ran into her a couple weeks ago, she was with a guy much better-looking than yours truly. Probably her boyfriend. I have to fight this. Idealized love like my fantasy above doesn’t exist in the real world, especially for guys like me. I have to beat it and get back to cynicism. Back to reality.
Just thought I’d spill the beans here. In my dealings with every other person, I falter, back to my shy, self-conscious 18 year old self, picturing her in the room judging me.

I’ve been in a bit of a hell over this the last couple weeks at least. I know it’s not rational, not healthy. It’s healthy to have normal fantasies about an object of desire, but not into obsession, especially if she has a significant other.
With oneitis, it’s like her ‘perfections’ magnify and your inadequacies intensify because your self-esteem is rock bottom and she (at the time) represents everything ‘divine’ about a woman. ‘She’s exciting, I’m boring, she’s pretty, I’m ugly, she’s well-liked, I’m friendless’ and the list goes on.

The Beautiful People (not the Marilyn Manson song)

Thought this would have relevance. I generally believe this and that looks play a part in both getting good quality relationships and in the arena of careers. Job interviews and the online dating and bar hook-up scenes for example. And women get the thrill out of competing for the only top percent guy/stud in the room while not giving homely men a chance. Looks play the snag and part in first impressions. I have become somewhat of a fan of this guy. I guess he doesn’t call himself ‘The Logic Junkie’ for nothing:

You’re welcome!

 

Have Nothing Against ‘Fun’, Just Have Trouble Relating To It

I want to make something clear.  I have nothing against ‘fun’ or what is considered ‘fun’ in our culture per se.  I simply just can’t relate to it.  Going for over-priced drinks, yelling to try and have a conversation and loud, mind-numbing music just isn’t my thing.  Some people may get the wrong impression that I am against partying and having a good time….I’m not.  I just never was good at it and can’t relate to it.  I was never good at socializing and when I did drink, I was told I was a bad drunk.

If people want to get shitfaced, then all the power to them.  My ‘fun’ just seems to be different….not better, not worse, just different.

At parties some people may mistake my quietness as snootiness and/or being stand offish.  The truth of it is I would like sometimes to converse in group settings but it’s simply too overwhelming for me, as an Aspie.  My mind can go off on a tangent easily and I can easily get lost in my own thoughts.

I actually LIKE having pleasure and fun, but my ‘fun’ just happens to be reading a good book, watching a documentary and/or writing a good poem.  Or eating a good ethnic meal.

I believe no one is ‘boring’ per se, and at the same time ‘boring’ is subjective.  We all I presume have passions, likes and dislikes, and especially thoughts.  No one is a ‘blank slate’.  Others may perceive us as such from time to time, but in the end, we know who we are.