A Simpler Way

I say we should go back to a monogamous system, cash and barter and legalized prostitution for those who need it!

If you aren’t in the top brass as a man, you are going to have hard times dating.  And another thing I’ve noticed, try dealing with banks and credit card companies.  They will almost always have some robot answering machine at the other end and they will nickle and dime you any way they can.  As some of you know, the two reasons above are why I switched financial institutions.  1. My (unattainable) crush works at my old one and 2. It’s a fucking rip off!  I still to this day prefer to carry cash on me so then I know how much I’m spending without a possible transaction fee coming off it.

In some ways, I’m an old-fashioned man.  In some ways technology has been a godsend for people like me (I can log into websites and vent my problems all I want for $34 a month instead of expensive therapy costs) but others like dealing with other’s money, it has created problems.

Men are pretty simple creatures at heart, they want a bit of cash in their pockets and they want possibly one good woman to bang and cook and clean for them. That’s it.  And so many men aren’t getting this today, leaving then frustrated and disenfranchised.  The so-called ‘sexual revolution’ only benefited two subsets of people I feel, the women of course and the ‘playas’ or top brass of men.  If you wish to get conspiratorial, like I am so inclined, I think it was just a massive failed social experiment, to be honest.

I’m not trying to be a chauvinist, but when a society starts to go against the natural order of things, then it becomes broken.  The Victorian Eras and the immediate post war era (at least in America) may have been the gilded ‘golden age’.

End rant.

Biology vs. Body Image

To be Cursed with a big Vibrant, wild sex drive And a social disadvantage Is death.
The mind And the body And your needs are at odds A three way fight lives inside you No end.
You like The beautiful When you are not thought of As a beautiful hunk yourself In pain.
The mind And the body And your needs are at odds A three way fight lives inside you No end.
You have An eye for dish But you don’t deliver
That type of beauty that she does No chance.
The mind And the body And your needs are at odds A three way fight lives inside you No end ….

————————————-It’s a curse to like the beautiful.

On Deaf Ears

So some of you may know, I have a Twitter account and a YouTube account under my username here, ‘astrosleuth’.

Basically places for me to express my pain through art and Tweeting about body image, love-shyness, sexuality (or lack thereof) and men’s rights/issues.

So, I’ve been Tweeting more to the point about these issues lately, to people like porn queen turned sexuality guru Nina Hartley and a self-described ‘ethical slut’ from Toronto.  Here are some screenshots that warranted absolutely NO response, these self-described sex-positive ‘enlightened progressive sexual gurus’ won’t even go near this with a ten foot pole:

Forum pic 1

Now there is a podcast I follow on Twitter called ‘The Dildorks’.  Two best female friends who call themselves ‘sex geeks’ and brag of their conquests of bedding the latest guy and getting the latest blow job.  Constantly.  Recently, they were calling out to their audience for show ideas in the form of questions like …. ‘What would you do if?, ‘If you were stranded on a desert island ….?’, etc.
So, I popped THESE questions.  I even PM’d one chick of the pair and asked something like, ‘What would you do if someone expressed interest in joining your kinky community, but lacked experience?  How would you go about it or which direction would you steer him or her in? I mean expressed genuine interest, read up on it, watch porn, etc. but lacked experience or courage to ‘take it to the next level’, so to speak?’
She just responded: ‘Thanks for this! I’m adding it to our file :)’

OK. Fine.

Then I PM’d her with another question, well two actually (both sides of the same coin) ….

‘Another question What would you do …. if someone was insecure about their own desirability, for instance?  And, further, how would you help …. or would you help? (speaking generally, not necessarily for myself)’

AND

‘Off the record, what’s your take on pity sex?  Bad for both parties or sometimes could it lead to something?  Or, do you believe such a concept exists in the context of the psyche?  I guess attraction and what people look for in a mate’s desirability can be subjective ….’

I sent these last two questions on April 11, NO response yet.  A dead air.

Forum pic 2

Now, exhibit #2.

I tweeted these three tweets recently, well about a week ago.
No responses.  Even with the popular #hashtags , people don’t want to face this.

Forum pic 3

Exhibit #3 …. Nina Hartley.  Same thing.
The word ‘incel’ is probably not even in her ‘awareness’.  Or, maybe it is but like the others, she doesn’t give two shits.  Sure, any other sexuality, they jump on it and are all over it.  It’s often deemed ‘progressive’.  But no sexuality at all, or a repressed or even aspiring one but ‘failure to launch’?  Fagettaboutit!

Forum pic 4A

Forum pic 4B

Now 4A and 4B.  Back to the proclaimed ‘sex-positive ethical progressive sex nerd slut’ from Toronto.  Remember her?  She posed a question on Twitter …. ‘Most outlandish flirting experiences’.  So, I thought I’d ruffle the feathers a bit and bite.  I posted those responses to her about a chick from Toronto who tried to sell me expensive hand cream once while I only had $12 in my pocket.  This saleswoman said to me things like, ‘Oh, you are a handsome, interesting man.  Why are you not married?’ and ‘If you purchase, I will give you my PERSONAL email and cell number!’  Now, I KNEW she was just trying to get me to buy her shit.  But I decided to have some fun and play along when she remarked the first example again …. I just said, ‘You’re not so bad yourself!’ and walked away.  I’ve always wanted to use that one and I did.  I told ‘Girly Juice’ this basically in my tweets.  No response.  Perhaps, our experience is just so far off the norm or off right field that many non-cels, even so-called proclaimed ‘sex-positive’ ones just don’t know how to respond, are freaked out by our deep experiences or simply don’t care …. or perhaps possibly all of the above.  An incel’s experience is probably SO far removed from the average non-cels that it’s incomprehensible.

Next:

Just some random Tweets I posted ….

Forum pic 5

Forum pic 6

You get my point.

I’ll leave you guys with one last story here for now.  I’m also on Instagram and lots of model type chicks on there too.  I admit, I follow some and a couple like my pics and follow me from time to time.  Some of their pics also make good fapping material.

So, one of these chicks posted the ‘rules’ for etiquette at a swingers club.
One ‘rule’ caught my eye …. ‘Don’t be creepy or behave in a way that would make other members uncomfortable.’  My heart stopped.  I commented on her photo something like, ‘So creepy just means unattractive, right?  Well, some of us have bad posture or are below average in looks so often we are ‘creepy’ by default.  Also, with my AS, I KNOW something in my demeanor puts women off, at least at first glance.’

No one even responded for a few hours.  Then a few hours later, I go to look on her page and her account is fucking private!  What are the odds?!

Most people don’t want to admit or face it.  They don’t want to admit to or face up to the Truth.  Looks and natural swag DO matter!

……

Now as you can see, no one wants to face it or touch this issue with a ten foot pole.

On a personal level, perhaps yes, it IS a ‘validation’ thing with me, one I (maybe wrongly) base my self-worth in.  We ALL yearn at if not a primal level then an instinctual one to pro-create, to be wanted and pursued and to carry on the human race.  To have that special knowledge we are ‘good enough’ to be wanted sexually.  That we are not just a mirage.  That we are indeed worthy of validation as social/sexual beings.  I think perhaps also it is simply a survival thing too ….

Also, fuck it.  Make them feel guilty, yes guilty and even ‘creeped out’ for the consequences of their own transgressions.  At the base level, I think most KNOW the Truth they conceal and know their own hypocrisy in their claims.

Plus, I am a fan of and look up to some porn stars for their sexual prowess.

I want to be apart of something, to feel ‘whole’ and yes, sexy as a man.
I express a lot of my own pent up sexuality through my art and writing.

One member of a forum I frequent perhaps was right when he said he knows I have needs and that I am lonely.  And perhaps he is right too when he said writing erotic poems and creating erotic art is not the healthiest way of dealing with it.  Maybe it isn’t.

But alas, as an incel man, it’s all I got left.

Excepttion (end pic 2)

Always Go With Your Gut

So I recently started a new job.

Cleaning a shopping mall where there are a lot of young, Millenial store staff there.
Working there, although I love the job, has been hard in a way that most young social cliques are closed off there and one has a very hard time breaking the ice with these women, even some who are in their 30s.

Anyway, as I stated, I just started there.  Even so, when I started I was getting a bit more hours, more than I am getting now.

I wondered about this and got thinking …. could some of those ‘Millenial staff’ have complained to my boss about me being ‘creepy’?

Now, I want to clear something up.  By ‘creepy’, I mean just my demeanor (being introverted and below average in looks and my posture) NOT intentionally staring or gaping at them (which I DON’T DO I keep my nose to the grindstone there).

So, I phoned my boss and just had about a ten minute conversation with him.  We get along great and are on good speaking and joking terms.

And, lo and behold!

….

We exchange pleasantries like ‘How are you tonight?’, etc.
Then I pop the question …. ‘Are my hours cut because some of the women complained there about my so-called ‘creepiness?’

He says well, he has had one issue there already with one chick at the dollar store.  He said she didn’t approach him herself but he had heard from sources she was concerned about why I was always at her store when she was closing it.  This would be around approximately 8:30 or 9:00 on weeknights.
This also happens when I start to dry mop sweep the whole mall in preparation for the midnight guy, who uses the wash machine on the floors overnight.  Her hallway (where Dollarama is) is the hallway I start my dry sweep with.  Hello?  Why am I always there …. ?  Well, I follow a schedule and I WORK THERE!  

My boss just said ‘oh, she didn’t know you worked in the mall!’

Now my hunch was right and my boss wasn’t directly approached but he had ‘heard this from sources’.
Now I know the translation of that …. ‘Ugly guy shouldn’t be near me when I close my store …. eww! …. he’s creeping me out!  Get him outta here!’

As for her ‘not knowing I worked in the mall’, I do have a uniform on and usually a broom and sometimes a dust pan in my hands.  How could she NOT fucking know?!  Oh, I just bought the broom (and dust pan) at Wal-Mart and happen to be pushing it through the mall to test it. /sarcasm

She hasn’t approached him so far but this is my point.  When it comes to modern unapproachable (and often spoiled and entitled) women, always go with your gut instinct.  I keep my nose to the grindstone there now and just keep my mouth shut and do my work now.  I don’t even approach to make conversation, hell, let them approach me!

Those myths about ‘false rape allegations’ and them calling the white knight authorities are all true, apparently.

My boss said not to worry about it or give it a second thought but I believe my hunch was/is right, even though I don’t try to be ‘creepy’, I’m just pre-selected that way and it’s something natural in my demeanor which I can’t control due to my physical attributes and my AS.

Modern women are unattainable and unapproachable for the most post unless you are a) their age b) pass the looks test c) in their own social clique and d) ALL OF THE ABOVE!

There, I’m on the record for saying it!

You are ‘guilty until proven innocent’.

My boss also said she may be a typical women, a drama queen who likes to say everyone is staring at her but is the first one to call it out when they do.  Keep in mind, she doesn’t know me or even a thing about me except for this possible (and false) assumption.  It can be just like high school there.  The so-called ‘high school’ mentality doesn’t die at 17 or 18 …. it lasts well into adulthood now in a social that secretly (or sometimes more overtly) wants your average incel to just ‘fuck off and die’.  FTR, he even said that some women find him ‘creepy’ there and he is a stand up, great guy …. married with a couple little kids.

My gut was correct.  Always go with yours to avoid further heartache and trouble with modern Western women ….

I can merely tell certain things by going with my gut and watching female behavior and reactions.  Their social patterns and habits.

And then they say YOU are the psycho, the ‘creep’.

I have to laugh at the advice one Feminist once gave me, to ‘step out my front door and start making friends …. especially FEMALE friends.’

They have to give you the time of day first for that to happen, or even possibly happen.
So her advice was moot.

I just shut up and do my work there now.

A little song I wrote a few nights ago, at work of all places.  Before I called my boss up tonight and asked him the question ….

I wrote the lyrics and sing, while the instrumental piece is from an open source site, freesound.org.
(A banjo and acoustic loop piece)
Thank the stars for programs like Audacity and VideoPad too!

Just thought it would be appropriate to share here.  Enjoy, gents!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bv95wba1Ckw

 

Erika Lust Film – ‘The Good Girl’

So I watched the pornographer Erika Lust’s film ‘The Good Girl’.
She is a (feminist) pornographer based in Barcelona.

The movie begins with two women on the phone.  It’s about a ‘shy, boring’ girl who always listens to her female friend’s sexual escapades on the phone while going on no sexual adventures herself.  She always orders herself pizza but the pizza guys usually aren’t fuckable material …. until one day she decides to get off the phone with her friend and orders yet another pizza, only to be delivered by a hunk (you know, tall, dark and ripped and handsome).  A classic play on the old ‘pizza turned porno’ movie cliche lol.  Her sexual friend calls her ‘boring’ for just wanting to order pizza, by the way.

Firstly, it confirms eerily what Steve Hoca has been saying all along about pizza delivery drivers …. that usually they are not the most attractive.  I know, I used to be one myself.  They are usually not the most attractive and even are a few rungs below on the general social hierarchy.  Myself included.  Also, the hunky ‘pizza man’.  If he was that good looking, he surely would NOT be delivering pizzas.  He would be working his way up the ladder in some corporate job (like a bank) somewhere probably fucking (and chucking) his secretaries or mistresses on the side.  Or, at the very least, a topless waiter or Chippendale’s dancer.  Men with his looks simply DON’T deliver pizzas.  I should know.  The movie confirmed some naked truths (pun intended) about our society (that pizza men are generally low tier, unattractive guys and people who don’t have sex are ‘boring’) but at the same time, wasn’t that realistic.

I downloaded this flick off a torrent site.  While I’m generally a fan of porn, especially script laden feature porn, this one rubbed me the wrong way.  And this woman (Erika Lust) called herself a feminst, quality pornographer.  But hey, maybe that’s why she used the storyline and narrative she did.  Feminists after all HATE low tier, unattractive, ‘boring’ straight men who aren’t possibly having sex.

This movie once again was made in Spain, by the way.  Supposed land of the European ‘beautiful people’.

thegoodgirlcover

I’m the Opposite ….

…. of porn stars.  You know how they are aware of their sexy bodies and sexual prowess?  You know how most look a certain way, truly winning the physical genetic lottery? Well, I’m aware of my LACK of sexual prowess and unsexy body.  My first male porn star I saw in a blue movie and my crush fall into this category.

I simply don’t have the ‘right look’ to attract women.

Shy and unattractive = awkward and ‘boring’
Shy and attractive= quiet and mysterious
I DO believe there is a correlation here. People (especially women) like to be around beauty. The whole ‘feel good’ factor and ‘gina tingle then comes with it naturally.

And lo and behold, I wake up to this article being posted on a forum I frequent …. The real truth being spoken at last by a woman, I believe. Ugly, creepy guys! Ah hah! 

I’ve always said:

Good looking 25 yo guy hits on a girl at the bar and succeeds = stud
Ugly looking 25 yo guy hits on a girl at the bar and fails = creepy ‘loser’

Same actions, same intentions possibly but labelled differently due to their
place in the genetic lottery.

Also, it proves the theory that the advice …. ‘Oh, you just have to go out more!’ is fucking moot.

You have to be ACCEPTED first.  People (especially women) have to WANT you there, want you out; lest you’re just the lonely ugly ‘creeper’ standing in the corner.  Awkward much?

The it’s a cycle that perpetuates itself….incel then retreats into his shell….now, of he MUST be ‘boring’ and more quiet and ‘less exciting’ now that he doesn’t engage or go out.  It’s a vicious cycle.  This is why I believe ugliness and being ‘boring’ to women go hand in hand, somewhat.

In other news ….

I currently still have an account open at the bank my crush works at.
And, I currently owe service charges.

Well, fuck ’em.  I’m not even stepping foot in the bank anymore.  I’m not paying (if I have my way).  They can close the accounts and blacklist me from their bank, for all I care.

Women don’t want ugly men around them?  OK fine.  I won’t be in to pay my fucking service charges.
Only time I’ll be in is to pay the car loan (which I still have with them) itself, and at a different branch in my city than the one she works at (there’s two).

Women see us as ‘creepy’?  OK fine.  I’ve been avoiding her bank so she should have nothing to worry about, right?  Lest I go in and she puts a ‘sexual harassment charge’ on an ugly guy like me.  Men are ‘predators’, remember ….

I have free banking from another institution now and that’s fine by me.

new_incel_forum_sig

Job Coach Meeting

I attended a meeting yesterday, at my local March of Dimes.  Basically it was men with developmental disabilities trying to find work.  The topic at hand was stress – more specifically, stress in the workplace and how it relates to our disabilities.  A lot of covered on how to cope and time management.  Also, stresses in life like fights with family members were discussed.  Two topics I thought of but weren’t discussed were:

1. Thinking about crushes who are unattainable (while working too)

2. Parents (or caregivers) dying off

Limerence can cause stress in and of itself and can take your mind away from tasks.  I’ve had this happen at jobs before.  Wouldn’t a man have more drive to achieve anything if he had sex in his life at least?  There’s an old adage, ‘He just had his car repossessed and his dog died, oh but he’s in love!’

Also, another topic not discussed too much is parents (or caregivers) dying off.  One guy at the meeting has a parent in her seventies now and they are preparing him for the job market and getting work on his own.  He’s lived at home all his life and is now in his 40s or 50s.  It’s a sad thing to ponder.  My own parents are starting their 60s.  As an incel, Aspie man, sure they help me out financially.  But, what about the emotional guidance part of it.  Let’s face it, when you’re on the bottom rung of society, no one cares about you really.  Another topic not touched in regards to incels or TFLers is we all get old.  With no one to possibly take care of us in our advanced age, social services will be burdened for sure.

Oh we could maybe get with used up women who’ve had all their fun and now want to settle down when in their 40s.  But personally, that doesn’t really appeal to me.  Why didn’t she want me in her 20s?

A couple things to ponder.

Zines for Valentine’s Day

Thought I’d do something a bit special on my own for this Valentine’s Day (rather than just buy a box of chocolates and eat it myself lol).  To get some things off of my chest.  I’m now officially making zines.  One declaring my positive feelings toward a girl, the other declaring my rage to another .. one love poem, one poison pen letter! Yin and yang people!

Two zines for .. one with affection the other with rage …. I couldn’t wait for the special day, I was too restless last night after having an in depth conversation with someone at a coffeehouse about the state of modern dating.

First zine for closure on Valentine’s Day .. to a woman who gave me a nasty look back in 2009. Crush #1 ….

zine-1

zine-2

Second zine for closure on this special day.  To a crush who treated me nice but I know it can never be ….  

zine-3

zine-4

Happy Valentine’s Day!  (well, if you have someone to celebrate with)